The celebrations in Regina had hardly even begun when the geniuses that run the Leaf pseudo-Nation started the rumours that they had formed an alliance with ACC Rock Wall of Famer, Jon Bon Jovi, to bring the Buffalo Bilge to Toronto. That would be after the 95-year old owner of the Bills, Ralph Wilson, dies, which is expected any day now. I know that any story about the NFL is manna to a certain kind of CFL-hating Torontonian. You can read Cathal Kelly’s slavering accounts of titanic NFL struggles every week in the Star. This week he decided to lead with the MLSE handout that claimed MLSE was just about ready to add an NFL Football team to their stable of other teams.
Apparently, Tim Leiweke, the newly installed Czar of Leaf Hockey (and other sports) at MLSE, has decided that what Toronto really needs is the Buffalo Bills. This guy apparently has the energy and connections to do it. After all, he managed to get his recently minted son-in-law, Troy Bodie, a hockey left-winger of uncertain abilities, who has played most recently with the Syracuse Crunch, the Norfolk Admirals, and the Portland Pirates of the elite American Hockey League, signed up with the 2013 Leafs. Forget Frank Mahovolich! We've got Troy Bodie! Leiweke then decided to ransack his rolodex in search of prospective football partners. When he got to the B's, there was Jon Bon Jovi, an aspiring football entrepreneur, who had also played one or two of his ditties at the recent Troy Bodie/Francesca Leiweke nuptials.
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| New MLSE Czar, Tim Leiweke; Leiweke, huddling at a Raptors game with Larry Tannenbaum and Bon Jovi; and Bon Jovi as a pretend football owner with his Arena Football team. |
Yarrrgh! When exactly did we become such obsequious Yankee sycophants? Maybe this little band of influential geniuses should approach Toronto’s one true international superstar of the new millennium. That would be our half-Mayor, Rob Ford. He’s got a lot of free time on his hands these days and he can get on CNN any time he wants. Iceberg Vodka doesn’t want him. The Argos don't want him. The CFL doesn't want him. Don Bosco High School doesn’t want him. The mayor of Hamilton wouldn't take his call ten days ago. And Jason Kenney sounds like he is getting ready to revoke Ford’s citizenship. What a catch he'd be! Maybe Bon Jovi could help His Lardship out with a brand new theme song. Would that be synergy in action, or what? Rob Ford would blend in so well with Leiweke, whose idea of the right words to describe his new job at the helm of Leaf Nation were these: “We dig our own ditches,” he said. “So I’ve dug my own ditch here.” A true test of the Leiweke-Bon Jovi Axis will be how many fans they can lure into SkyDome for this week's riveting contest between the 4-and-9 Bills and the 2-and-11 Falcons.
UPDATE: Cathal Kelly continues the story in today's Star that the Bill's coming to Toronto is almost certain thanks to Bon Jovi assistance. Maybe we can get young Trudeau to reprise his father's stalwart defence of the CFL from 1974.
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